I was born in Scotland in 1971 and then moved to Northern Ireland in 2010, where I still live today.Growing up with a parent struggling with alcohol use meant my childhood and teenage years were blighted with trauma and adverse experiences.
I was completely disconnected from myself, numb and buried deep in shame. I remember having a feeling of not being good enough. I held onto people who showed me any kind of love until I felt trapped and wanted out, then I would emotionally disconnect and run. That was unless of course someone rejected me first.
As the adult child of a substance misuse parent the one experience I avoided more than anything else was rejection. I just could not deal with the pain as I believed it confirmed my worst fear … that I was not good enough.
That was until I had a breakthrough and began to heal. After years of avoiding pain and numbing myself I discovered the only way to heal the hurt was to work through it.
I realised my battle scars were actually badges of honour, and the versions of me who I had disowned and shoved deep inside had some seriously revelatory insights for me.
So I began to celebrate these versions of myself and be kind to them. I began to love me for being me!
I explored my darkness and found the light and I can help you to do the same thing.
R.A.F.T. is my exclusive approach to supporting people to heal from trauma, stress and compromised Mental Well being.
This approach is based on my own personal experiences and the models and theories I have studied (there has been a few) which are from some of the best minds in the world right now.
Adult children of substance misuse parents who are feeling lost and alone may find this little Ebook particularly helpful.
I hope you enjoy this Ebook and get some light-bulb moments and sparks of inspiration.
Please feel free to reach out if my approach and findings resonate with you.
Have you ever wondered why some people never get over certain events while other people, who experience the same event, seem to be unaffected?
Or why some people seem to over react or become anxious and you can see no reason for this response?
Let me explain…
Everything we have ever experienced is held in the unconscious mind. All the decisions we make about our self, other people and the world before age 7 are very rarely revisited or challenged. Yet before this age we do not have the thinking ability to explore all the information and we just have blind belief, and that belief is its all about me!
Our limited brain development before age 7 does not support diversity of thought or even consider other influencing factors.
You see when we process the sensory input (Sight, Sound, Feel, Smell, Taste, Intuition, Bodily sensations) of our experiences we require four components to store them in a way that they continue to cause distress.
Let me share with you what these components are;
Event – An experience that provides stimulus for our senses.
Meaning – We compare and contrast the information available in that moment with the information we already have from previous input to create our own unique reality.
Landscape – How the mind perceives self in that moment, your unconscious then considers “Am I resilient or am I vulnerable”. While vulnerability is a powerful state if its voluntary (subject for another Ebook) when its involuntary it can cause major distress.
Resilience ensures you can problem solve and create a solution using the resources you have.
Inescapability – The perceived sense of being trapped.
When these four components occur together the mind processes information really quickly so it is able to identify potential danger and kick start the flight or flight system (This is called the amygdala, and is the threat sensor of the brain).
At this point the mind is operating in gamma wave (>100mhz per second) and is simultaneously processing and storing components of the current situation for future recall, to ensure safety. Hence why you may be triggered or ‘set off’ by certain smells, facial expressions, places etc. Its your minds way of keeping you safe and a great system to have however its not so good if it is turned on all the time.
In R.A.F.T I invite the mind into the much calmer and more relaxed delta wave (0.5-4mhz per second). While using distraction techniques and proven language patterns that communicate directly with the unconscious mind you begin to “unstick” these markers. This allows the Amygdala (fight or flight) to release these drivers and remove the emotional component from these past experiences. You are then free to identify the learning’s and build emotional resilience.
In R.A.F.T I can work with you content free, meaning you don’t even have to talk about or recall the original event or initially know what the event might be that is causing the distress for the work to have a huge impact.
Alternatively you may be fully aware of where of where your anxiety, flashback, obsessive and compulsive behaviour etc began.
R.A.F.T. works a lot quicker than most approaches and the impact can mean instant results.
Are you ready to change your life?
After the Reconnection part of the session you then enter the float cabin where you are released from the huge strain of simply moving around. You spend so much of your energy for balance, movement etc and all of these requirements are no longer needed in the float cabin.
With mind and body stimulation heavily restricted your mind moves into, and is suspended in, theta state (4 to 8mhz per second) a brain wave associated with learning and consolidation. Whilst in the float cabin for 1 hour, your mind can assimilate the new learning’s and let go of the pain and hurt of the past to allow you the freedom to live the life you desire.
As a therapist I have a solid understanding of the mind, body, spirit and the connection between them, however as we are all unique no approach is a one size fits all.
As a therapist working with the body or the mind you have general information around the approaches/models/therories you have studied, some therapists have more information in specific areas but nobody knows your mind, body and spirit quite like you.
The float environment invites you into a space that is rivalled by no other, free from the distractions and demands of our daily lives. We then can become our own therapist and make sense of our new information and process it in the best way, and applicable to our life straight away.
So what would be easier for you?
- Identify and transfer the amazing array of tools and life skills you already have within you to heal, grow and have the life you desire.
- Carry on living just as you are right now If you choose No 1 keep reading …
R E C O N N E C T I O N T H E R A P Y
Part 1 . 3 R’ s
Reconnect, Regain, Recover
Part 2 . 3 A’ s
Awareness, Acceptance, Adjustment
Part 3 . . 3 F’ s
Forgive, Forgo, Freedom
Part 4 . 3 T’ s
Transform, Tailored, Thanks
Part 5 . Floatation
The power of the float
Part 1 – The 3 R’s of R.A.F.T
“Owning your story and loving yourself through that process is one of the bravest things you will ever do”
Reconnect, Regain, Recover
Have you ever thought to yourself “I’m just going through the motions here” “I dont actually think I feel anything”.
Have you ever been impacted by things you feel you have no control over? Do you say things like “I cant believe I said or did that” when talking about yourself?
Well this starting point is designed to invite you to start identifying and uncovering what is limiting your growth or ability to engage in life in a meaningful way. To explore what is driving you forward and guiding you through life. We do this by exploring your models of the world.
Tapping into the core of your identity you can uncover how your well-formed strategies and modes of operating can be transferred to connect to your present self.
Discovering how, in the moment, we create our thoughts, speech and behaviour and where it has been ‘learnt’ or adopted from, enables you to understand your past.
When you reconnect to your true and authentic self you regain your ability to recover the parts of you that you have moved away from or hidden from the world as you’ve labelled them as bad, or dark or dangerous.
Embracing these ‘parts’ to bring them all back together as a whole.
Part 2 – The 3 A’s of R.A.F.T
“In our personal lives, if we don’t develop our own personal awareness and become responsible for first creations we empower other people and circumstance to shape our life by default”
Awareness, Acceptance, Adjustment
When you are able to identify, claim, give back or change these models you can then accept where you are right now to generate a foundation for authentic living.
By becoming aware of, and exploring what you are able to control and what you have influence over you are free to discover what it would benefit you to accept (usually people and events). This will open a space within your mind and heart to foster self- compassion and kindness.
Once you accept where you are now and how you got here you will allow yourself to let go of the pain of the past leading you to create clarity about who you really are.
This acceptance and adjustment delves into the components of ‘transformational change work’ and makes way for you to ‘try on’ a new way of thinking. Thus freeing you from the decisions of the past and providing you with an understanding that you are not your story, you are who you choose to become.
So who is that person?
Part 3 – The 3 F’s of R.A.F.T
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free then realise that prisoner is you”
Forgiveness, Forgo, Freedom
Forgiveness HAS to be given to yourself before it can be shared with others. Identifying and releasing (forgoing) the anger, sadness, fear, guilt, hurt, humiliation and shame of the past allows you to step into voluntary vulnerability, which is very different and more empowering that involuntary vulnerability.
When you get to know your flaws and failures and utilise them as your personal passage to your ‘higher’ self you free yourself to step into a version of you who owns your past. A person who takes the learning’s from each experience and who allows the emotional drivers of the past to subside into positive life choices, driven by gut informed true life experience.
To prevent self-forgiveness becoming condemnation of others you must establish the understanding that every decision you have made has been the right decision for you at that time and how this has given you a sense of being free.
Allowing you to understand that others are allowed to find their own way, this leaves you free to focus on launching into your own authenticity and truth and realising….
YOU ARE ENOUGH AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN
Part 4 – The 3 T’s of R.A.F.T
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. Its the ones who are most adaptable to change”
Transform, Tailored, Thanks
True transformation involves personal gratitude to highlight the fact that you are always exactly where you are/were meant to be. Transforming ‘why me’ to ‘why not me’ opens up your eyes to our own strength, resilience and ability to survive. Every decision you have made has been the right decision for you at that time, the one thing you always have is choice.
Taking notice of the abundance around you and all of your surroundings, from the things you have through to the lessons you have learnt means you can keep yourself in the moment. This will transform your reactions into responses and creating the cohesion and balance to allow you to live an empowering life.
Once you can tailor life to your specification, using the cloth you have cut for yourself from the threads and yarns you have woven, you will be able to hold your head high and take purpose and intention to a whole new level. Being able to articulate, integrate and be thankful for the love of yourself is the biggest driving force for personal change.
Part 5 – The Float
“The float gives you what you need when you need it. You cannot force it, you cannot ignore it, all you can do is surrender yourself to it, breathe in and let go”
Do you long to be somewhere far away from our modern frenetic lifestyle to embrace complete rest?
Somewhere to experience a total reset with no pressure on your physical or mental system?
Somewhere you are free from the slavery of technology and convenience?
Floatation is what you are looking for.
Imagine stepping into 25cms of skin temperature water and half a tonne of dissolved Epsom salt. Now imagine slowly lowering your weary body and mind into the water and being gently supported in the calm and very restful environment allowing your body and mind to just be.
Floatation is fast becoming the perfect antidote to modern life as it offers a unique and highly effective way to reset your whole system so you can get back to the business of being you.
Combining this amazing experience with Reconnection therapy consolidates the self mastery learnt from the previous 4 sessions allowing you to let go of stress, improve your sleep and become fully engaged in your life.
Being free from the decisions of the past can be your catalyst for the change you long for.
Does it make sense to reconnect to yourself and live an authentic life with meaning instead of just existing?
The magic is within you, all you’ve got to do is set if free!
Thank You For Being You
You are unique and imperfectly perfect just as you are
You can find out more about my services at